From MIA Road with Love

16077357Yesterday, I went to our house in order to visit my mother and niece, and also to ask for my mother’s assistance for my solicitation letters intended for our class study tour in Ilocos on Thursday. While I was on the jeep going to Pasay and stuck on a heavy traffic along MIA road, my attention was caught by the old couple, maybe in the age of 60s or 70s, holding hands while waiting for a ride. Suddenly, deep inside my mind and heart I said these words; “Oh that’s true love!”

I don’t know the history of the old couple that was waiting on the street for a ride. I don’t know if they were really husband and wife. What made me reflect in that scenario is not the gesture itself on how they held each other’s hand, but what’s behind the mystery called the power of true love which they show. Hence, true love is not on the appearance, but on the mature relationship that lasts. I am so happy to experience seeing that couple holding each other’s hand. Despite the age, the heavy traffic along MIA road, the air pollution and the buzzing sounds coming from the rusty and rugged tambutsos of jeepneys and buses, the heat of the sun, etc., they still have shown the love that is real and true, and perhaps it made that day, which for me depressing, wonderful and meaningful for them.

When true love enters into the existence of every human person in different walks of life, it overrules every barrier of uncertainties and impossibilities. Even though everything diminishes and senses fail to recognize and mesmerize the appearances and the rapid progression of life, true love will always remain and will stay the same. Indeed, true love lasts when it is nurtured in faith and commitment eventhough conflict arises and everything fades away.

As the heavy traffic in MIA road turned into moderate mode, I cannot but be awe-inspired by what the couple has shown me about true love. Their simple gesture that speaks about love beyond twists and turns remind me of what true love can do when we allow it to take precedence into our lives. I firmly believe, true love is not all about seeing what is something lacking within us to the one whom we love, rather it is all about mutuality and accepting each other’s weakness and shortcomings in life. The simple gesture of true love coming from the old couple is what makes true love as immortal. It never grows old. It renews, rejuvenates, refreshes even at the point of crisis and tensions. Hence, nothing can replace true love nurtured in trust, devoutness, and selflessness eventhough pressures of pessimism comes along the way.

On loving the person who doesn’t love us

To be in love is one of the most wondrous experiences in life.  When we fall in love everything has a new meaning to give and life is not anymore ordinary but exciting and filled with enriching possibilities.

Indeed, falling in love is a great feeling and it gives us the power to see something unique and affirmable in the other which that person perhaps may have never sense or known.  But, what if you fall in love to someone who doesn’t love you; is falling in love still the most wondrous experience in life?  Hence, just what I have posted in my Facebook status last July 15, loving the person who doesn’t love you is the most difficult subject that we are ever likely to learn.

I asked myself; why does falling in love sometimes unfair and depressing; you’re truly, madly, deeply in love with someone but he or she doesn’t love you?  Some people say, God allows it to happen simply because He wants us to be more persistent and persevering in loving.  Loving is not all about expecting something extraordinary.  Expecting something extraordinary in loving will soon end up into great anxiety and embarrassment.  But, why does God allow it in the first place?  We all agree that God has already planned something for us including our real beloved in life.  Actually, it’s up to our free will whether we give up in loving that someone who doesn’t love us or not.

Yes, God has already prepared for us the suitable beloved for our life, but we have also the responsibility to use the integration of our free will and intellect to love that someone who doesn’t love us persistently and determinedly.  Perhaps, he or she is the one who prepared or planned for us by God.

Loving the person who doesn’t love us is really the most difficult subject that we are ever likely to learn.  It takes time, effort, hope, sincerity, and even faith.  For me, it is better to love those who don’t love us than those who loved us but in the end will leave us in pain, desperation, and regrets. By the way, loving those who don’t love us is an exercise of one of the beautiful gifts that God gave us on our birth, i.e. eternal love.

To love someone who doesn’t love us may be really heart-breaking and depressing, but it’s a blessing because it is on that instance that we express eternal love which is something precious and noteworthy, yet only few people recognize and cherish it.

On not giving up loving amidst “storms”

In loving, when we encounter pain and despair we usually affirm this thought into our minds, “It happened because it happened. We are not in control of the disappointments, pains, and despairs that we experience in loving sincerely, truly, madly, and deeply. It’s better to give up loving.” For me, these “storms” are encouragements to love more. True love is tested when “storms” happened. Why do we give up loving when it’s hard to love more? Why abandon the capacity of loving sincerely, truly, madly, and deeply when it does not work amidst the “storms”? These realizations that I gained in my journey of loving more and searching for true love blazed the little ember of conviction within my heart that true love is possible amidst the “storms”. Just not give up loving.

True love is not all about clinging on our own perspectives, desires, and wants about love; it’s all about engaging ourselves to the cycle of “storms” and be-in-that-realm for the sake of opening up our horizons to the possibilities and to the real essence of true love. In my journey of loving more and searching for true love, pain is an inescapable and an inevitable reality. Later, I realized that the “storms”, correct me if I’m wrong, is the essence of love. Why? When there’s love, there’s the “storms”. It is not joy that brings the real meaning of love; it’s the “storms”. Joy is temporary, but the “storms” are permanent. It is the “storms” that reveal what true love is and what it is not. Hence, true love is not all about what we expect (the feeling of satisfaction and being loved, the guarantee of joy, gentleness, etc.); it’s all about befriending the “storms”. Sounds pessimistic, but without the “storms” true love cannot be what it is.

That’s why I am not giving up of loving more. I am not afraid to love more even though the “storms” hinder me to do so. I believe, even though it’s too late to love because of these “storms” I am encountering now, it is not a guarantee for me to give up. It’s not too late to love more for a person who is persistent and determine to love, and it is me. Though I am not loved in my journey of loving more and searching for true love; I am still happy and proud to boast that I love still amidst the pangs of the “storms”, and this is my weakness.

Which is which?

Tumblr-Pictures-Love-1-HD-WallpaperA while ago during our Study Period this morning (since Don Bosco Center of Studies declared that no class for today), as I watched upon the raindrops falling up the trees, I thought of composing a poem that speaks about what’s going on my mind and heart. I never used to write a poem as my way of expressing my thoughts and feelings. So, it’s my first time to share this poem that I made while my eyes are contemplating the rain that keeps on pouring while my lips is enjoying sipping a cup of pure tea from Sri Lanka.

When will be the morning will fill the sky?

When will the light overcome the night?

My eyes is in tears gazing the eternal bliss

Pleading that I may overcome this Dis-ease

As I step towards a long-wide journey

I found happiness along the way

Suddenly, my heart broke into silence

Questioned the unconceivable void within

Is it real? Is it real?

But, why I am still suffering the grief and pain within?

I never thought that I will feel this again

I never thought that I will feel empty again

For the past decades of dedication and devotion

Now, it’s being challenged by providential desolation

Why now? Why not yesterday?

Confusing, yet a blessing; a wise-blessing indeed

Is this a trick? I don’t know

A malaise? Perhaps

But, why it is something good and pleasing

eventhough my heart throbs apprehensively?

Love? Oh yes it’s Love

Sudden, Cordial, and Uncanny

But why? Why Love?

When I found happiness along the way

Which is which?

Both are good, valuable, and exemplary

Confusing, Puzzling, Bewildering

Only a wise heart could define which is for me

What did the Beholder place inside my soul?

Now, I ask this question as I indulge myself in a wise confusion

As I move on with a puzzling heart

I am assured of this;

Someday, the Sun will rise up,

upon the cold-dark sky.

When will be the “right time?”

Businessman pulling a clock hand backwardsWe are all longing for the “right time”. But, when will be the “right time” for everything that we expect to happen, to finish the unfinished business, to say what we feels to someone, to risk even the journey that we undergo for many years for the sake of following what God really wants us to be, etc. etc. When will be the “right time” for this? Some people say, “In God’s perfect time”; others say, when you are already okay emotionally, stable mentally and ready to take the risk then it’s already the “right time”. But, why it should be like these? Why the search for the “right time” takes and wastes time? This is a challenge for me and a test of patience. From these I learned my lesson that waiting for the “right time” needs patience, hope, maturity, and trust. It is really hard to force a firm decision or a decisive agreement when it is not yet the “right time”. Just like my experience before as a Practical Trainee in Rogationist College-Silang, Cavite when I was assigned to pick up the mangoes on the trees during summer which I would like to use as an analogy about longing for the “right time”. The sweetness and the yellowness of the mango cannot be forced just like the “right time”. It needs time, maturity, and patience. My mistake was I thought it’s okay now for the mangoes to be picked up on their trees because I was deceived by its size and texture which seemingly ready for stocking up and consumption. Lesson learned; when it’s not yet ripe, even though the size and the texture testifies that it’s already okay and good, let it be given another time and chance to mature and to attain its potentiality to be sweet and yellowish. Hence, it is also the same thing in the common maxim we usually say when we speak about longing for the “right time”, i.e. DON’T STRIKE THE IRON WHEN IT IS NOT YET HOT! It means to say, when things are not yet settled and right, don’t force it and settle it according to our expectations. Instead, let it be mature as it is; have patience, invest hope, trust surely and sincerely, and wait courageously. When things are in accordance with what it should be, then that’s what “right time” is all about.

“Dig Deeper”

digging_deeper_2-thumb-768x459-864Search for the deepest inclination of your heart and follow it.

Last Tuesday in our Spiritual Theology class, I was affected by the topic about The Art of Discernment: Heart Searching and Life Choice. It was an eye-opener for me that challenged my present disposition. In the course of our discussion, my professor told us something about heart searching which actually caught my attention, and I paraphrase; “Life-choice is a question of the heart and what matters most about this phenomenon is the heart, so dig deeper your hearts because the search is inward and the answer is within”. After I heard this statement from my professor I asked myself; is my present disposition really define who I am? As I went through our discussion and personal moment of reflection, I was disturbed by the two questions included on the topic; which way am I concretely being drawn by the Lord speaking to my heart? Given my unique personality, background, and talents, what is my particular way of serving the Creator?

Entertaining those questions that really bothered my mind and disposition, I sighed and told myself; “Really, life-choice is the matter of the heart”. It’s undeniable that in the course of our search for happiness and fulfillment we tend to say “This is it!” or “Eureka! Now I find the pearl of great price for my life.” But, as we continue our journey prioritizing what we call our “heart’s desire” why restlessness is still an inevitable reality in our lives? Why are we not still happy and fulfilled the mere fact that we already found out what our innermost being tells us what to be?

I realized, finding the one thing necessary in life is not a smooth-sailing journey and a one-night search. It takes our ability to discriminate our choices, time, our heads and hearts, and our value-system. Finding the one thing necessary in our lives is not all about priorities but asking our inner self this question; what we are willing to die for? Hence, discernment (as what I have learned from our discussion yesterday) is all about placing ourselves in God’s hands, asking God to shape our lives through our decisions and allowing Him to bring fulfillment the creative work that He has already begun in us. I myself am not exempted on the mentality of being okay and contented on my present disposition. But as I encounter on our lesson yesterday about the value of discernment in life, I really asked this question on my present disposition; is this really what God wants me to be? Is this my particular way of serving the Creator? Is this the deepest inclination of my heart? From these questions I am challenged to dig deeper within my innermost being and to be open with the fact that there are unexpected realities in life which really hard to accept but will really make our hearts fully free, happy, fulfilled, and enlightened, as the English maxim said, the grass is greener outside of our own fence.

Restless Heart

Be-still-my-restlessnessThou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee

-St. Augustine of Hippo, Confessions

Five years ago, I encountered this famous text of St. Augustine when I read his book, Confessions. Before, I just consider it as an insight or a simple thought that tells something about the reality of life. Now, as I revisited it once again, I realized that it has also relevant to my life as I am undergoing soul-searching in my pilgrimage towards real happiness, joy, and contentment. What a coincidence that as I am going through a tough and delicate self-introspection and self-pondering it resounds once again into my awareness which really caught my interest.

 I myself cannot deny the fact that it’s part of our nature to quest for happiness, contentment, and satisfaction in life. So, we strive hard and really do our best to achieve those things because we want a smooth-sailing journey in life. Who doesn’t want to experience a smooth-sailing journey in life? Even myself craves for it; a journey that is so calm, hassle-free, at ease, and pleasing. Unfortunately it’s not always the case. Even though you already reach the point that you’re already happy, contented, and satisfied in life there’s still an unavoidable feeling of longingness inside of our hearts for a missing piece. Without that missing piece, it seems happiness, contentment, and satisfaction is not enough in order to make our lives complete. This is what I am experiencing right now. To be honest, the greatest challenges in life is not all about facing our fears and wrestle on it, but rather it’s all about facing our heart’s restlessness with humility, sincerity, and acceptance. For me, this is the greatest struggle that I encounter in life. It’s hard to accept on my part, but I take it as a challenge and as a providential trial. I believe and also I am hoping that everything will be okay after this restlessness that I am experiencing now because God is at my side always ready and willing to be my refuge and strength.