It Ends Tonight

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When darkness turns to light, IT ENDS TONIGHT

As I woke up this morning and prayed my morning prayer in bed, I paused for a while, and a question soothed in my mind; what will I write in these final hours of 2013?  Many insights popped-up into my mind like fireworks popping up into the midnight sky.  Scrutinizing savvy insights end up into something that needed my consideration – why write some throwback memories of mine as 2014 is fast approaching?  Yah right!  And according to those friends whom I talked with, throwback memories are good source for writing and blogging as the end of 2013 is near.  Actually, I do have a lot of happy and sad throwback memories but the dilemma is how to start.  My mind is full of colors, but it is hard for me to start painting a scenic picture of the whole journey of 2013.

People say life is an endless battle.  My throwback memories remind me what is life all about and it’s about battling for the sake of growth and life’s lesson.  Though the end of 2013 is near, I could say that I am not yet winning a victorious battle against my personal difficulties, trials, and issues in life.  I am still in search.  I am still moving on facing these called “giants” in my journey.  But, I am not hopeless.  “Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali”-Time heals all wounds.  This is my conviction.  This is what makes me stronger despite the fact that I am weak and vulnerable.

As 2013 ends, I recognize that I do have still unfinished business in my life.  Starting to flip the pages of my throwback memories, I cannot but broke into tears.  I admit 2013 is not an intended year for me.  I consider it as my unluckiest year.  I wasn’t able to fulfill and to succeed in unfinished businesses that I encountered along my journey.  Majority of the feelings that I faced in 2013 were anxieties, sadness, and heartsickness. I cannot deny the fact that this 2013 I complained all the more to God especially when I cannot bear anymore the pain of depression.  Are these things an indication for me to stop holding on and hoping for the coming year 2014?  No!  I believe when there is darkness, there is Light.  Light brings life, brings joy, and brings beginning.  Everything will pass away even my anxieties, heartsickness, and depression except Light.  According to the Gospel of John; “the light shines on in darkness, a darkness that did not overcome it”.  As I let this statement coming from the gospel talks to me, it assures me something that I need to think about; “Come back to Light and you will found Life!”  Light!  Yes Light!  This is what my eyes are seeking for as it is being overshadowed by blindness.  This is what I need and I hope for this coming year 2014 in order to stir up the ember inside my heart.  Oh Light!  Yes Light! That will make my heart delight and believe.

Anno Nuovo, Vita Nuova-New Year, New Life.  It is an expression of the belief that with when a new year comes there is a chance for a new beginning, a fresh start.  This is what I am hoping for this coming year 2014, that I may be able to attain a fresh start in my journey towards fulfillment.  May the year 2014 be a great start for me to avoid saying the cursed statement “Loveless Talaga!”  As I am enjoying the blast of the firecrackers in the streets, which I consider as an eargasm for my ears (hahahaha), may this 2014 be a blessing and a grace for me to move on and to start settling up the mess in me with joy and humility of heart.  Oh God shine on me and may Your love be my greatest consolation in this coming year 2014.

When darkness turns to Light, IT ENDS TONIGHT!  

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In welcoming Jesus in our hearts, the real essence of Christmas is not on what we receive, but on what we share to others especially to those who are in need. My dearest friends, may your lives be blessed not only with temporal prosperity, but more importantly with good health and success in every endeavor that you may undertake this coming year 2014. May your hearts be lifted in praise this Christmas-the wonderful feast of GOD BECOMING LIKE US.

Have a wonderful and meaningful Christmas and New Year celebration!

“Wrong Time”

ImageIs there such a word in life called “wrong time”?  What makes it wrong?  How is it?  Everyday, God is always giving us opportunities and possibilities to improve ourselves and to stand-up on every difficulties and trials in life.  He never stops in giving the right moments for us to be aware of the beauty of life.  However, when life seems so tough and depressing, I always encounter this tern “wrong time” as a vocabulary for a hopeless situation.  Even to myself I cannot deny the fact that the term “wrong time” is my favorite lyric whenever I feel so hopeless.  There are times that I use this term as my way to excuse myself in troubles and hardships.

Is there such a word in life called “wrong time”?  Is this a God-freely-given-terminology that needs to co-exist with our day-to-day living and needs to be always at our side whenever we feel desperate in our lives?

For me, there’s no such a word called “wrong time” in life.  Every day is a “right time” for us to improve, to grow, to love, to mature, to accept, and to forgive.  Why are we still longing for the right time if every day is a right and acceptable time for us to move on?  Saying “we cannot move on because it’s not yet the right time” is a baloney.  You’re just wasting the opportunities if you’re always saying to yourself “the time is not yet right” or “wrong time”.  Saying this terminology is a mere stumbling block that hinders us to progress and to gain success in life.

As we journey through the different facets of life, we cannot deny the fact that possibilities and opportunities are freely given every day.  Why do we fail to recognize this thing?  It’s because we are afraid to take the risk and to be optimistic despite the fact that life sometimes is unfair, rude, and demanding.  Now, it’s the right time for us to consider risk and optimism in life.  Just like a simple iron rod, we need to be tested if we are durable or not, to be bended, to be welded, and to be heated by fire in order for us to be formed as a new person; fully grown, mature, optimistic, forgiving, sympathetic, and loving.

Have A Blessed Christmas Everyone!

 

When Love Demands (A Dialogue Between Me and Love)

ImageHey, LOVE! I would like to ask you something; why are you so demanding to me?  What proof do I still need to comply in order that I may be able to befriend you?  Do you know that I sacrificed a lot of years, opportunities, dreams, ambitions, plans, and time because of you?  When my heart first felt you, I was stunned and mesmerized.  It seems that even when you are here at my side, I feel complete.  You show me the beauty of life and the uniqueness of my soul.  Now, what happened?  You easily faded on my being like a wind beneath the skies.  It seems everything is so blurred and meaningless without you.  When will you come back again in my heart?

When you’re still within my heart I am always stuck like glue by your sweet melodies.  But now you’re gone, it seems your aroma is deadly to my sanity.  Hey LOVE! What’s wrong with me that you keep yourself away from me?  You walked away without any notice and reason at all.  You abandoned me, lonely and troubled.  I need you!  I need you!  Oh when will I feel your warm embrace which gives reason and value for my being?  Oh when will I see the light amidst the darkness hovering my sight and my heart that longs for love?

It’s a great tragedy for me that you’re not here by my side.  You left me out of nothing.  You turned away your face from me without noticing that my eyes are shedding in tears and in sorrow.  I feel lost without you; oh please come back to me and be patient of me.  I admit that I am not so worthy and so perfect for you to be your shelter and crying shoulder.  But, please come back to me because I need you.  It’s the saddest part of my life that you’re not here by my side; oh, please come back to me.  I feel so naïve without you.  I cannot know and understand who am I and why I am here if you’re not in my heart. 

Fear and Trembling

ImageI don’t know what will I write and post on my blog for I am confused which topic will inspire you most my dear readers.  Actually, I have this inner eagerness of my being to inspire readers like you through blogging.  Unfortunately, something hinders me in writing and expressing myself through blogging, i.e. fear.  I consider fear as one of my greatest difficulty in life.  As a matter of fact, I missed a lot of opportunities because of fear.  Every time I risk something for the sake of new knowledge and growth, I cannot but stop risking because of fear.  It is also fear that stopped my inner persistence to love unconditionally.

As I walk in the path called life, I cannot but admit the fact that in every fear that haunts me always, the fear of rejection is one of the most painful fears that block me to appreciate who I am and what I am capable for.  Every time I do my very best to prove myself in front of the people who does not believe in my uniqueness and capacities, I feel so hopeless and naïve whenever fear succumbs me.  Hey fear, when will be the right moment for the people to accept that I am also a unique and capable person, yet like them also, imperfect and fragile?

My friend fear, for so many years you are always inside of me, haunted me whenever the right time has arrived for me to show the light inside of me.  But, could you mine to separate from me now because every time you are with me caressing my weaknesses I am always in despair.  I feel always unlovable if you’re here by my side.  Please grant me the freedom to express my whole self in front of the people who does not believe in me.  Please give me the chance to love again cheerfully without any biases at all.  I can live without you.  Let the people around me accept me for what I am.  To tell you frankly; you’re such a disgrace from me!  I am sorry to tell these words to you, but I can’t take this sorrows anymore coming from you.  For so many years I am always trembling and in pain because of you.  My friends are always hopelessness and doubtful; would you mine to allow me also to befriend with faith, hope, and love?

Oh fear please stay away from me!  Enough for the pains and sorrows that I experienced for so many years!  I cannot go on if you’re still at my side.  Let me experience freedom and happiness instead of closure and sorrow.  Oh fear I don’t like anymore to be coward and stupid in the eyes of so many people around me.