I’m having a bit of difficulty in expressing my thoughts after a year and a half of not posting here on my blog. As a beginner and aspiring writer as I am, it is not easy to convey what’s my mind and heart want to tell.
Just like these days, I’m struggling expressing myself whole heartedly because of certain limits. Limitations that hinder me to tell everthing I want to say and express emotions I want to show. Perhaps, I’m too scared that if I do, my disposition will be compromised. Is there something wrong in showing and conveying the messages and emotions of my very own heart without being judged by many? As unfortunate as I feel, again… there are limits.
Ironically, there are right things in life that are better left unsaid and unfelt. Keeping everything to myself,wishing that my unexpressed emotions and thoughts will soon reach the person who meant to hear and feel it.
Life is a series of questions and unexpected revelations. Self-introspecting made me recognized one fundamental truth about life; nothing is constant, some are fleeting but others are undeviating. For the past months and even today the blitzkrieg of confusion irks the tiny ember within my soul. I thought its okay to contain it inside within my fragile lamp that I called Passion, but lately I realized it is not in withholding and retaining it as it is that it will reach its ever-long completion. “Let the tiny ember dance in the dark”, as my consciousness would always tell. But, I didn’t listen. Time passed, moments faded, opportunities have already wasted, but still I didn’t listen. What AM I afraid of? What makes me anxious of letting this tiny ember inside of me be a fire that my faith wants? Stepping-out from the parameters of expectations is the key for its freedom. However, fear hinders me to do so. I don’t understand this warring emotions inside of me that makes me perplex and lonely sometimes. I feel like in the blizzard that shudders me to nostalgia and bereavement. What a life without a fire! Too late to realize that I was wrong in tending my own tiny ember which I expect to be the fire of my needs and desires. I should let it to be what it must be.