Where Do Broken Hearts Go Whitney?


I don’t like to spoil this Valentine’s Day with bitter aphorisms and insights about love. However, what does the title of my reflection for this wonderful event wants to pertain? Obviously it’s the title of the late Whitney Houston’s song for broken-hearts. This song is like a potion or a spell that every time we hear it we cannot but emote and say; “truly, love is demanding!” Where Do Broken Hearts Go Whitney? A question that continuously boggling my mind while listening to this song, writing this reflection and pondering this occasion. We all know that Valentine’s Day for the broken-hearted people is a day of remorse. Seriously, where do broken hearts really go? Some prefer to just stay at home, have a long nap during the day. Others just enjoy BY doing so many work-related preoccupations. But I know some who prefer to spend heart’s day watching Japanese horror movies, enjoying me time #loveyourself, some are die-hard advocates of Banned Feb 14 because they want to believe that Feb 14 does not exists in the calendar. Why? Because of the undeniable fact that they are sensitive enough to be affected seeing lovers happily spending the most romantic day of the year. Sounds ridiculous right?! But there’s a reality called broken-heartedness in love.

Is heart meant to be broken when it found the right love? But, is there really such terms called right love, wrong love? For me, our hearts are also meant to be broken. Perhaps you disagree about this, but why do I say so? Love does not do and go wrong. We are the ones labeling it whether it falls on the right or wrong depending on our wants and needs. We control to feel the love and I think there’s something wrong about it. Because from there, we are afraid of what we think “unnecessary pain” may cause our hearts to be broken in loving. Indeed, there’s a need for our hearts to experience broken-heartedness. Why? The right kind of love accepts pain. Every heart aches allow us to experience and realize how to love more deeply and maturely. Every wound creates spaces and better opportunities for love. And so, letting ourselves to experience broken-heartedness in love is essential. It make us realize that love is all about growing-up and allowing yourself to mold by the promptings of it. Henceforth, where do broken hearts go? For me, broken hearts must go to place that is suitable for calm and serenity. A refuge for instance, a place where broken hearts may be able to mend their selves through acceptance and growth. So, when love persists grow up, move on, and let go in order to start all over again because love brings infinite avenues of possibilities of loving with persistence and perseverance once again.

On loving the person who doesn’t love us

To be in love is one of the most wondrous experiences in life.  When we fall in love everything has a new meaning to give and life is not anymore ordinary but exciting and filled with enriching possibilities.

Indeed, falling in love is a great feeling and it gives us the power to see something unique and affirmable in the other which that person perhaps may have never sense or known.  But, what if you fall in love to someone who doesn’t love you; is falling in love still the most wondrous experience in life?  Hence, just what I have posted in my Facebook status last July 15, loving the person who doesn’t love you is the most difficult subject that we are ever likely to learn.

I asked myself; why does falling in love sometimes unfair and depressing; you’re truly, madly, deeply in love with someone but he or she doesn’t love you?  Some people say, God allows it to happen simply because He wants us to be more persistent and persevering in loving.  Loving is not all about expecting something extraordinary.  Expecting something extraordinary in loving will soon end up into great anxiety and embarrassment.  But, why does God allow it in the first place?  We all agree that God has already planned something for us including our real beloved in life.  Actually, it’s up to our free will whether we give up in loving that someone who doesn’t love us or not.

Yes, God has already prepared for us the suitable beloved for our life, but we have also the responsibility to use the integration of our free will and intellect to love that someone who doesn’t love us persistently and determinedly.  Perhaps, he or she is the one who prepared or planned for us by God.

Loving the person who doesn’t love us is really the most difficult subject that we are ever likely to learn.  It takes time, effort, hope, sincerity, and even faith.  For me, it is better to love those who don’t love us than those who loved us but in the end will leave us in pain, desperation, and regrets. By the way, loving those who don’t love us is an exercise of one of the beautiful gifts that God gave us on our birth, i.e. eternal love.

To love someone who doesn’t love us may be really heart-breaking and depressing, but it’s a blessing because it is on that instance that we express eternal love which is something precious and noteworthy, yet only few people recognize and cherish it.

On Love and Work

quote-do-not-hire-a-man-who-does-your-work-for-money-but-him-who-does-it-for-love-of-it-henry-david-thoreau-184760“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” -Vincent Van Gogh

It’s right to say that we cannot perform a certain task and accomplish it well unless we put love on it.  Everything that we do and we encounter in life is tantamount to loving many things.  Everything that we also achieve in life is not just only a product of our efforts and perseverance; it’s also a product of love that which could be realized by dedication and sacrifice.  Hence, we need love not just as an inspiration, but a motivation to do things well.

Today, what is the dilemma that we encounter in terms of fulfilling and achieving something is not the intensity and the quantity of work, but the capacity to put love on the work that we engaged ourselves with.  We easily get tired, anxious, stressed, distressed, and bored when we feel the monotony of work.  And once we experienced this so-called “dryness” in work, we become grouchy, irritated, and a grumbler towards it.  Actually, the nature of work is not about beating the deadline; it is one of the exercises on how we regard love as an important factor for a better life.  Work does not define who we are.  It is just a means for us to evaluate how we consider ourselves as persons capable of loving what we do and what we persevered.  Indeed, Vincent Van Gogh is right in saying; “…what is done in love is done well.”  We cannot work better unless we love our work.  Work not just for fulfillment but for productivity and growth.

It’s nice to be always motivated when we start to love our work.  After the exhausting work at the end of the day, you will really feel the relief and the satisfaction when love rules over the demands of work.  We are not machines, but persons capable of loving the things that we do and work on.  When things are done well it is not because of our skills, but because of our dedication, diligence, and perseverance which we add also love as flavor for our efforts.  Hence, let us not think ourselves as persons who rely the meaning of our existence on work itself, but rather let us consider ourselves as persons who are capable of loving our work and doing it well all because of love.

When Love Hurts

188529_20140424_143329_love-hurts-wallpapers-4-300x297I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

-Daphne RaeLove Until It Hurts

Why is there pain in loving?

Why do we need to accept the fact that when we love someone or something it entails sacrifice and heartaches? These are the many questions that preoccupy my mind when I think of and reflect upon love as a significant aspect of my life.   Plato is right in saying that at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet, but for me we need also to admit into our existence the fact that to be hurt is an inevitable reality when we love sincerely and candidly.  We cannot discover true love unless we recognize and embrace pain in loving.  Hence, it takes courage to love.

When love hurts it is not an indicator for us to give up. It is just a purifying fire that helps us to understand that love is not cheap.  So, we persist in loving sincerely and candidly because we believe that it is something immense and noteworthy.  But, we cannot deny the fact thatit hurts.  It is really not so easy to love.  It requires something to give up and sacrifice in order to learn from its wisdom and to be sway by its impact.  If I will look upon my experiences about love, I could say, there are a lot of times that I got hurt in loving honestly.  I asked myself, why love sometimes unfair?  Every day I struggle in order to be true in loving, but it’s not enough.  It went into the point that I became fool for the sake of love, but it does not suffice still.  As a result, I give up in loving.  It does not anymore ring into my sanity and perception that love is something pleasing and awe-inspiring.  Hence, I became afraid when love hurts my heart.

Suddenly, as I search for a reason about the reality of pain in loving, my mind was captivated with a quote coming from William Shakespeare which says; the courses of true love never did run smooth.  In this insight I realized that true love begins in accepting its pains courageously.  There’s no easy and instant way in loving; every person who abide on it experience first to be brokenhearted.  Indeed, loving is the same in living.  In order to live happily and fulfilled there’s a need to appreciate struggles and sufferings.  Love is always a product of our perseverance and persistence.  Thus, when loving seems so tough and hurting, quitting must not be the immediate reaction.  Just like what I did into my life, after realizing the fact that love resides in every pain, I welcome pain and I continue to love sincerely though it hurts.  The more I continue to love despite the pain that I endure in loving, the more I experience that I am being loved.  Its sounds bitter, but that’s what love is all about. Quitters will never apprehend true love in its tragic sense.  Henceforth, true love exists in the most difficult situation in our lives which for us is unacceptable and intolerable.

Learning from our Defeats

soccer-quote-every-defeat-is-a-victory-credit-jikatu“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.”

― Ralph EllisonInvisible Man

 “We did our best, unfortunately we lost the game”

This is what I told myself when we were defeated by our opponent in last Monday and Tuesday’s soccer match finals between our team Humilitas and our opponent Temperantia.  It was really a tough match.  The first half of the game held last Monday was really incredible and rough and so with the second half of the game held last Tuesday.    All of us did our best in order to reach the sweetness of the Championship trophy.  Unfortunately, we were defeated.  The final score was 3-2 in favor of our opponent.  Actually, we feel so pity on ourselves that we created so many diligent attempts in order to get some goals, but that day was really an unlucky day for us.  At first, we feel the remorse of being defeated in the game after doing our very best to secure the championship, afterwards the feeling of remorse immediately dissolved and just told ourselves it’s just part of the game; there are losers and winners.  But, losing in a game is not the end of everything and a reason to quit.  It’s just a means for us to improve more, to move forward, and to set sail once more toward our desired goals.

From this experience, I learned something valuable into my life.  I learned that being defeated does not mean I should stop moving on; it’s just an opportunity to see the brighter side of struggling for success and accomplishment.  I remember one of the insights of George E. Woodberry which talks about the positive side of defeat; “Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”  Hence, God allows defeat in order for us to realize that we cannot reach and attain success through an easy-going and tolerant attitude.  It always takes a lot of our perseverance, effort, and persistence.  Actually, many people became famous, popular, and successful in the world not because they are really best, but because they accept the fact that defeat is a necessary means in order for them to reach the seemingly unreachable dreams into their lives.  In life, it’s not on the winnings that we may be able to find out our fulfilled selves, it’s always on how we deal the various defeats that we encounter in life.  Being a loser of our soccer match finals that was held last Monday and Tuesday is not a guarantee that I am such a failure.  First and foremost, it does not bother me at all.  The important thing is we did our best and we brought a good match for our opponents.

The Reality called Pain and Rejection

quotes-about-loving-someone-awesome-love-quotes-19191Why is it so hard to love?  As I based it to my experiences, there are times that when you express your love to somebody in a form of concern, appreciation, recognition, and sincerity some will just ignore it and others will criticize you or put you down.  Upon reflecting this something popped-up into my mind; when you do your best to be sincere in loving it’s true that you cannot really please everybody.  It’s really a great pain on our part that as we exert our effort in loving what we will receive is not peace but piss.  So, we become tired and not enthusiastic anymore in loving our neighbors as the same as we love ourselves.

It’s a great ache into our hearts that people do not recognize the love that we bring to them.  We cannot but burst into tears when we realize that loving does not grant us merits.  Why isn’t so easy to love somebody?  Why loving so demanding?  Why do we need to sacrifice our expectation for the sake of true love?      These are the questions that continuously bothering me whenever I do my very best to love others sincerely.

As I reflect upon this phenomenon called “the severe side of loving”, I cannot but accept the fact that loving is not a dilly-dally occurrence, but a great commitment and responsibility for each and every one of us.  The rule of loving states that it doesn’t matter when you feel rejected or in pain in loving, what matter most is before we were being formed in the womb of our mothers God already loved us tenderly and compassionately.  But, why rejection and pain is a more dominant feeling than the feeling of being loved by God?  Human as we are, we cannot but be affected by the reality called pain and rejection.  Sometimes, when pain and rejection strikes our fragility and brokenness inside our hearts it’s really hard to recognize that we are being loved by God.

It’s so pathetic and so sophisticated that God’s love seems too invisible into our lives when we cannot bear the immensity of pain and rejection into our lives anymore.  Despite the fact that pain and rejection are something inevitable in loving, is there still consolation beside these two realities?  Yes Indeed.  In spite of the pangs of pain and rejection, I do still believe that there’s still hope in loving.  Without these two realities we cannot recognize and be aware of the significance of loving our neighbors by giving our whole selves to them.  Indeed, loving takes a lot of endurance and perseverance.  This confirms the fact that engaging ourselves in the realm called loving is not a one-day affair.  It’s a lifetime process and struggle that we need really to consider as we journey towards true happiness.  From this I realized that I should not stop loving for it is a means to receive the consolation to see the face of God despite the fact that we cannot really love totally and sincerely without pain and rejection.

Just like us, Christ too experienced what it means to love truly amidst pain and rejection.  So, we cannot but love…love…love, and this is the only ticket for us to recognize Him as LOVE.

On Talents and Productivity

spc010319cloAt the end of this day two questions bothered my mind as I reflected upon the Gospel for today; am I grateful for the gifts and opportunities given me as a follower of the Lord?  Do I use my talents, whatever they are, to live out the commandment of love?  As I read upon the Gospel thoroughly the message is so obvious, i.e. we must use wisely and productively the talents or opportunities that the Lord has given and granted to us.  But, as I reexamined it and let it speaks unto my consciousness what struck me most is the intensity of its message.  The Gospel for today may look ordinary and palpable for me, but when I let it move my heart there’s something new that I discover within it especially when it speaks about perseverance of one’s talent.  This is what I learned from the Gospel; it’s not on the quantity of our talents that we may be able to become fruitful, productive, and responsible in life rather, it is on how we persevere in nurturing our talents even if they are just insignificant and eye-catching in front of others for the benefit of our life and of others.  In the Gospel, God assures us that whenever we used our talents productively He will surely say these words of consolation and appreciation to us; “Well done, my good and faithful servant.  Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities.  Come; share your master’s joy.”  It sounds uplifting and encouraging right!  So, the invitation of the Gospel for me today is not to give up persevering, showing, and giving the talents that I have for the betterment of my life and other’s life.  With this, it’s confirmable that when you give your whole self to others and nourish it productively it ripples joy.

Going back to the two questions that bothered my mind as I reflected upon the Gospel, I could say that I am doing my best to be grateful with the talents that I have even though it’s just only few and to live out the commandment of love through my talents.  I admit that there are also times that I fall short in this invitation of the Lord because of selfishness and self-interest.  But though there are these things that keep on hindering and disturbing my attention with the Lord’s invitation, I really still persevere though others may find it silly.  Just like I am doing right now; I blog because I would like to help, guide, inspire, and motivate people through my life and faith stories.  At first, I found blogging a boring stuff because I am not really gaining something and writing is not my passion.  But suddenly I realized that I have the talent in writing and God granted this gift to me so that I may be able to move the hearts of the people who long for Him and I may be able also to enlighten their minds that He is Love.  Realizing these things made me more encouraged to continue persevering in this talent and opportunity that God has given to me.  To be consistent with this kind of job is not so easy because it takes time, effort, and serious reflections.  But, it’s a worthwhile job because in my simple stories and reflections that I’ve shared I am proud to say that I already inspired and moved hearts and this what the Gospel for today is all about-disseminating the goodness of the Lord through our talents even if it’s minute and average in the eyes of the world; it’s already valuable and noteworthy in the eyes of God if and only if it’s persevered.

#tidbitsforlife (On the Demands of Love)

he-loves-me-he-loves-me-notWhen love seems too demanding, don’t give up loving.  Being persistent in loving does not make us null and weak, but it makes us aware of ourselves as fragile, yet unique in front of a significant reality called LOVE.  We cannot deny the fact that we really need to plunge with the demands of love in order for us to know and to abide in its distinctive role in our lives.  Hence, there’s no easy way, step, and means for loving.  Loving is always a process and a journey in which the only requirement is to get involved ourselves on it.  But, we cannot get ourselves involved on it unless we master first the remarkable role of persistence in love.  Persistence serves as our driving force when love seems too hard and difficult to attain.  It eases the pains and discouragements that we encounter along the way as we walk towards the path of love.  The real essence of loving is not on the sugar-coated words that we utter when we are in love; it is always a matter of persistence and perseverance.  Even though we fail so many times in showing to others that our love is true and sincere, let us not give up in being persistent lovers.  Only through persistence that we may be able to understand the beauty of true love in one’s heart and soul.  Let us always remember these words when we feel down and hopeless as we do our best in loving honestly and sincerely: Though many times we experience pains and sufferings as we continue to go on loving; let us not be tremble.  It is better for us to continue being persistent and persevering in loving ourselves and our neighbors sincerely and honestly than never.

On Distress and Falling in Love

falling-in-loveWhy falling in love is sometimes distressful?  You want it, but you cannot have it.  You feel it, but you cannot say it because it needs time and prudence.  Why falling in love if it’s demanding?  As I reflect upon it, there are things that I must understand and consider why falling in love must be taken seriously in life.  First, falling in love is not a matter of emotion, but a matter of conviction.  We fall in love not because we feel it, but because we are persons who need to be convinced that we are adequately considered “lovers”.  Before we were conceived in our mother’s womb, we have been loved by God first and granted us the gift of love intended to be shared for others.  So, all of us are bound to love in different aspects of life.  But, if falling in love is something innate on us, why it’s demanding?  To fall in love is demanding because it is sincere, it is something universal, and it is God’s initiative.  We fall in love not because it is circumstantial, but because it is a call for each and every one of us.  They say falling in love is the sweetest thing experience in life.  For me, falling in love is not just the sweetest thing, but it is also the greatest achievement of person’s search for love.  It is a fact of life that should not be underestimated.  We fall in love, and we should be convincing on it because we are born to love.  Although there’s a struggle besides falling in love, let us always remember that true love could only be achieved through persistent struggling and embracing its demands.

Second, falling in love is a freely-given gift and not remorse.  We should always consider the fact that even though we failed to realize our potentialities to fall in love, it is always a freely-given gift.  Sometimes this is our mistake; when there’s another chance to fall in love again; our tendency is to avoid it because we are afraid to suffer heartbreaks and to be fooled again.  Falling in love is not remorse that we should avoid in our lives once it strikes back after the heartbreaks that we experience in life.  When it comes once again into our lives, let us always remember this maxim; Love is sweeter and more achievable for the second time.

Third, falling in love follows the principle of the I and Thou relationship.  Simply put, it is person-oriented.  We cannot fall in love with someone unless we fall in love with ourselves.  Falling in love is not just an ordinary romance (as what the world defines it), but it is also a fruit of our compassion with someone or with a certain situation.  Hence, it is something relational and Christ-centered.  It sees what’s beyond the person’s realities and potentialities.  It’s more on actuations rather than sugar-coated words.  It has no “ifs” and “buts”; it is always direct and sincere.  Let us not be hesitant once we encounter this gratuity called falling in love into our lives.  It always never fails us to gaze upon our uniqueness even though there are moments in life that we need to accept the truth behind pain and suffering.  I would like to end this reflection with this simple analogy; falling in love is like falling into a tree.  It’s tragic and painful when we experience it, but after this incident we realize that climbing a tree needs a lot of caution, patience, persistence, and perseverance.  It’s the same with falling in love.  It takes time to learn its significance and worth in life, but when we master it, it grants an everlasting experience of joy and happiness.  Just like climbing a tree, let us never stop loving even though it takes a lot of effort and time.

A Mystery called LOVE

love-2When you’re in love it’s indescribable.  Words are insufficient in order to explain the love that beats into our hearts.  As I ponder upon the mystery of love, I asked myself; “can this be love I am feeling right now?”  If this is love that I am feeling right now, why it’s so hard to say “I love you”?  Upon reflecting on these questions that keeps no bothering me, I realized that love is so immense on its meaning which even our words and perception falter to describe it totally.  It is undeniable that love moves in mysterious ways.  We cannot really fathom its real nature and essence when it pervades our hearts.

Love is immeasurable.  It can neither be coerced nor controlled.  It is like a gentle breeze that soothes the fragility of our hearts.  Its significance helps us to see the purpose of our existence here on earth, i.e. to love and be loved.  It is not just a feeling in itself, but it is also a reason, a principle, an insight, an aspect, and a concept which fosters and foretells only one thing in our lives, i.e. God.  God is love, and that’s why we are capable of loving.  There’s no room for hate in God’s heart, because even though in the eyes of the world we are unlovable, but for God we are precious and unique from the deepest recesses of His heart.

If love is a God-given gift imprinted into our hearts, why is there too much hatred in this world?  Why pain is inevitable when we do our best to love sincerely and wholeheartedly?  These questions remind me of something that I also need to consider in life, i.e. the significance of hate and pain in the realm of true love.  We cannot value the essence of love into our lives unless we accept hate and pain as a challenge.  It is only in hate and pain that we are able to recognize love as an important ingredient in yearning for a better life.  Relating these to my personal experiences, the sting of hate and pain are really an inescapable reality.  I was greatly hated by some people around me including my former friends because I am not on their level.  I experienced and suffered intense pains in loving a person who just ignored the efforts that I exerted in order to show to her that my love is true and sincere.  Doing our best to love honestly and sincerely is really tragic and disappointing, but that’s what love is all about.  We cannot love deep within our hearts unless we struggle for the sake of true love.  True love builds on sacrifice.  No matter how many times we are being hated by the people around us and how many times we endure the pains that struck our hearts intensely, we should never stop loving.  Love is our motivation to see the face of God into our lives despite the fact that we are broken inside.  It is our greatest consolation whenever we are not at ease with ourselves. 

As time goes by, these are the words that keeps on popping into my mind; “Never stop loving!  Never stop loving!”  Yes, I should not stop loving.  It is in loving I realize that the best remedy for a trembling heart is love.  Love casts out fear.  Love makes difference.  Despite the fact that to love means to struggle, we should not stop to proclaim into the world, which is full if hate, that love knows what is best for us.  Indeed, love will never stop loving until the end of time.  Only in love that the significance of our existence here on earth can be determined and fully known.