A Love Letter for Baby Jesus

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Dearest Baby Jesus,

One day to go before your birth. I cannot but feel more excited and cheerful for your coming.  I could say that I do my very best to prepare myself for your coming, but it’s not enough.  Anyway, I truly believe that it’s not on the grandiosity of my preparation what you would like to count on in me, but it’s my heart.  No matter how big or small my preparation for your coming, what matters most for you is the willingness of my heart to be open with the possibility for renewal and conversion.

Within this month I really do my very best to embrace renewal and conversion in my life.  Sometimes I gain and improve, at times I fall short.  To embrace renewal and conversion in life is really a win-or-lose experience.  It takes a lot of enthusiasm, determination, and faith.  It’s challenging, yet gratifying.  Dear Child Jesus, I’m sorry for failing you and also for not doing the good things that I ought to do.  I’m sorry also for my stubbornness and for doubting your graces and blessings.  I’m really so ashamed to welcome you, but you proved to me that I should not be ashamed in welcoming you despite the many failures and shortcomings that I have.  You still love me.  It’s a humbling experience to realize that your love helps me to move on and comforts me whenever I am anxious and preoccupied with so many negative things in my life.  I am so blessed whenever I fall.  You always say to me “Be still…Do not be afraid for I am always with you”.  As you always saying this to me I am always assured of your presence in my life. And, knowing you is one of the greatest gifts that I in my life.

As your coming is almost near, Lord, teach me to love just like the way you show your love on me.  Make me a channel of your love even though I am being rejected because of love.  It’s your love that make me realize who really am I; broken and unworthy, yet consoled and redeemed.  Clothe me with the mantle of your love that I may be strengthen and motivated by it to face life’s challenges with a positive outlook in life.  Although uncontrollable sadness sometimes distresses me as I wait for your nearing natal day, make me happy and have an eager and a joyful trust in you.  May I also learn to lean and to count on you as I really struggle for peace and serenity of my mind and heart.

Lovingly yours,

Alex.

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‘Hopeless Romantic Syndrome’

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I don’t know if it’s proper for me to give my reflection regarding this phenomenon called ‘Hopeless Romantic Syndrome’.

Every time I check my Facebook account, I cannot but ask myself why millennial lovers of today are fond of posting bitter thoughts or insights and #hugots about love. Actually, I myself also have this kind of tendency whenever I experience the disease of love. It’s so funny and nosy to think about that myself, who is questioning this phenomenon, also being carried away by the current of this trend sometimes.

Why is there an inescapable tendency to experience to be ‘Hopeless Romantic’? This is the main question that boggles my mind now as I ponder the mystery of it. An irresistible reality that we tend to avoid, but we experience unexpectedly-this is what’s meant to be ‘Hopeless Romantic’ which we have to accept that we had a first-hand experience of it.

Is it wrong to expect or hope for a love that is not meant for you? Is not everyone destined to find love? Is it bad to love someone who’s not destined to you? These are some of the questions I encountered whenever I am talking or chatting with a Hopeless Romantic person. I cannot also deny the fact that I also ask these questions within the bottom of my head and heart when love seems so absurd sometimes. So, I know what it feels to be Hopeless Romantic.

I know what it means to be rejected despite all the efforts, sacrifices, creativities, honesties, and sincerities that you manifest for the person whom you loved most.

It’s really painful and embarrassing to be labeled as Hopeless Romantic. Sometimes we asked, why there’s an experience of pain in loving. Actually, for me, we cannot love without pain. Pain helps us to realize that love is not cheap. It gives motivations for us to be still and to move on despite all the flaws and hurts in loving truly, madly, deeply.

And so, to be Hopeless Romantic is not something to be avoid, but it’s an opportunity that need to accept with conviction. To be Hopeless Romantic is not the end of everything about love. Today, I know you’re Hopeless Romantic. Don’t be afraid. You’re not lacking of something about loving genuinely. What matters most in true love is you love. It’s unavoidable that sometimes you fail. It’s okay at least you loved.

You know, I am very proud of you and I appreciate you as being a hopeless romantic person because you’re true lover. You’re unique and be proud of it. Even though the person that you loved most doesn’t recognize the authenticity and the candor of your love that beats within your heart, it doesn’t matter. What matters most is you’re not lacking in loving truthfully and faithfully.

Why I am weak?

weaknessWhy I am weak?

A question that continuously boggles our minds whenever we struggle on our weakness. A question that bothers us and sometimes discourages us to move on in life. Self-introspection leads us to ask this question about ourselves which we find it something pessimistic or awkward. I myself fall in this tendency whenever I am struggling with my own weakness and whenever I am in the moment of loneliness. When weaknesses persist in our lives, we feel ashamed, abashed, and mortified. We hate to see our flaws and feebleness. We hate to be labeled as frail because we see ourselves as gifted, proficient, skilled, talented, and unique. But, we are born weak. We deteriorate through old age and death. Our giftedness, skills, talents, and uniqueness do not last. We experience pains, sorrows, anguishes, anxieties, and even failures. So, weakness is an inescapable reality. The more we escape ourselves in the reality of our weaknesses, the more we become uneasy and worried in life.

Why am I born weak? This is one of the many questions that continuously popping-up on my mind whenever I reflect upon the many events and experiences I faced in my life. Sometimes, I blame myself on having some weaknesses that are really so shameful and appalling. Sometimes, I am a little bit embarrassed and uncomfortable when my weaknesses strike and affect my way of dealing with every circumstances that I encounter in life. It’s so pathetic to understand why God allows our weaknesses to distract, disturb, and discourage us. As I reflect on the phenomenon of my weaknesses which affect my life, I realized God allows my weaknesses to domineered sometimes in order to value one of the most important and necessary things in life, i.e. love.

We cannot love if we don’t recognize and accept the fact that we are weak. It is in weakness that we may be able to love sincerely, truly, and honestly. Even God chose to be like us for the sake of loving us unconditionally. It is in our brokenness and fragility that we may be able to recognize love not as a feeling but a fruit of our struggle to accept and appreciate who we are so that we may also accept and appreciate the brokenness and fragilities of others through love. At first glance, we consider our weaknesses as a hindrance for growing in love. But, in my realization, it is in our weaknesses that we grow in love. St. Paul is right in saying that in weakness there’s strength because it is in our weaknesses we may be able to recognize the sufficiency of God’s grace into our lives. Indeed, I should not be afraid of struggling with my own weaknesses in life. Instead, I should be aware of it as an opportunity to love. Love is not all about sugarcoated words and #iwillloveyouforever, but it is all about recognizing in our lives that we are weak, yet capable of loving.

Why I am weak? Why God allows it? It’s because of love. A person who recognizes his/her weakness knows very well that the journey of love begins with a single step with a leap of faith.

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“Aloneliness”

alone_lifeAloneliness”-I don’t even know if this word exists. As I type this word in MS Word, a red line appeared on this word. Although this word may sound erroneous and disgusting for Mr. Webster, for me, it reveals the gist and the fruit of my reflection for today which I would like to share. I believe that as we advance in age and wisdom through the influx of several significant experiences that we encounter in life, we cannot but create our own insights or words just to express it as part of our learning and growth. This is now what I am doing as I encounter today one of the most weighty yet crucial expressions in the realm of love and relationships. Hence, “Aloneliness”. This out-of-this world terminology implies to a decision of choosing to be alone and to move on all by ourselves and our efforts after the tremendous pain, loneliness, and aches of unsuccessful relationships in the past. Encountering that kind of experience and coining it with the word “Aloneliness” made me ponder and questions boggles my mind; how could you face and recompense your past pains, loneliness, and aches if you will handle it all by yourself? How could you even move on and start all over again in life with joy and happiness if you want to do it and face it alone? Henceforth, choosing “Aloneliness” as a principle in life makes me affirm the fact that past pains, loneliness, and aches repeats itself. Actually, we cannot find any answer, solution, and clarification in choosing to encounter our past pains, loneliness, and aches all by ourselves. It’s like we are choosing our own bereavements rather than better joy, life, and love.

We cannot control our past. It happened because it happened. Acceptance is the key for mending the brokenness that we experienced in our own past. Relating it on my own experiences, it was really hard for me to accept all the embarrassments I experienced from the past. I clamor for an instant solution, so I chose to face it all by myself, but it hindered me to move on. Little by little my value system was distorted. My friends and acquaintances suddenly left me alone and did not trust me anymore because of my self-centeredness and narcissistic tendencies. I became pessimistic about relationships and interactions. I thought, my past will be healed and redeemed if I will face it all by myself without relying to any help and support. But, it was a mistake. It was a great breakdown and collapse into my life when I chose to handle my own past pains, loneliness, and aches all by myself.

On that instance when I reached my life’s rock-bottom that opening my heart for support and for possibility to consider another new chapter in my life is very essential and fulfilling. I realized, choosing to encounter your own past nightmares alone is like closing the door of possibility for support system and for love. Loving our past nightmares does not depend on our own opinion, desires, and wants in order to determine it, it depends on how we value the things and the people that became part of our lives and soon will serve as our great help to accept our past nightmares with love. Loving our past nightmares can hurt sometimes, but loving it all by ourselves is not the only thing that perhaps will be able to conquer its pains, loneliness, and aches. Our friends are always there to listen to our deep longings. Our families are always ready to support us through thick and thin. New loves and opportunities are always waiting for us and willing to mend our broken hearts. Thence, No man is an island. This maxim will only be realized, recognized, and appreciated if and only if we open the doors and the windows of our weary hearts. These were the things that I’ve learned as I opened my heart and became sincere on my deep longings to accept and heal my past nightmares. Indeed, loving my own past nightmares made me affirm this insight that popped-up unto my mind; problems and heartbreaks will never be solve all by ourselves. It is better to share it and to say it with all honesty and sincerity and for sure it will mend greater than what we long and expect.

Lo, Roses do blossom on Winter!

roses-in-winterLo, roses do blossom on winter! Sounds funny and crazy, isn’t it? Perhaps you will consider me a fool in saying and affirming this kind of statement which in reality is impossible to happen. But, even though you may label me or brand me as a dupe in asserting this kind of irrational statement, I still believe that roses do blossom on winter. What do I mean with this statement? Why do I keep on insisting this which kind of a pain in the head? Actually, no one ever saw, even I, that roses do blossom on winter. Roses, or even other plants, cannot endure the freezing atmosphere of winter, so they easily croak and don’t survive. Another reason is here in the Philippines we don’t have winter season, so I don’t know whether roses do blossom on winter. But, what do I mean in affirming this foolish declaration?

The statement roses do blossom on winter is really a foolish stuff in the first glance because it distorts the reality of the fact that it is impossible for the roses to blossom on winter. On the contrary, the statement does not want to distort what is more agreeable, factual, and real. It is only a metaphor as I reflect upon the most significant activity in our lives which also serves as our life principle, i.e. to love. We cannot deny the fact that we falter as we do our best to love the unlovable in life. Difficulties, limitations, shortcomings, and challenges sometimes hinder us to give our hearts sincerely and courageously for the sake of finding the real meaning of our existence. We all agree with this maxim that we cannot live without love; but, we don’t accept the fact that it takes pain and more pain to love. If I will be asked about this thing, my possible answer will be “it’s better not to love anymore if the consequence is pain not gain; to be hurt, but not to be consoled”.

To be honest, whenever I always encounter some descriptions, reflections, or explanations about love I cannot but remember all the pains and rejections that I received in loving sincerely and courageously. My life is really unfortunate about love. I envy those people who really excelled in life and in their relationships because of love, but me I don’t know or maybe I am just unlucky or it’s just a bad luck for me to love. Suddenly, I realized that if loving is demanding this should not be my attitude. Lo, roses do blossom on winter. For me, it means to say, love blossoms even though there’s a winter of oppositions, rejections, and pains in life. Even my past experiences were all about my unsuccessful love story, it should not sojourn me to move on and to go on loving. Although I never still reach the top as I love, it is precisely this that it keeps me going. Roses do blossom on winter-what made me say and affirm this? I remember Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s The Little Prince and I would like to quote his insight which is one of my favorite inspirational quotes about love; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. My past may give me some setbacks and regrets about love, but it is not a cause for me not to love. I am so thankful with it because it helps my heart to see what is essential and invisible to the eye in loving.

Lo, Roses do blossom on winter. Sounds funny, crazy, and stupid right! But, for me, it is only through and by love that this statement is something affirmable and confirmable. By the way, it may sounds unrealistic, but for me is real because I experienced it.

On our Past and Moving On

walking-alone-233266One of the hardest things to do in life is to make the past relevant to the present. We always insist that we are in control of our lives, so we do our very best to turn back the time in order to correct its mistakes from the present. But, as we try to control and to turn back the past, we tend to ask ourselves; why it cannot happen again in the present? Why I cannot in line the past with my own perspectives and desires that it must be what I expect most?

To be honest, I have this kind of attitude as I face the reality of my own past. I have this regret that someday if I could only turn back the past I can correct all the mistakes that I’ve done and grab all the opportunities that I wasted so that I would not be like this today. But, I realized, the more I long with this kind of “hallucinating dreams’ into my life, the more it’s hard to move on. Yes, I am not in control of everything. It comes and it ends, but the lesson will always remain. I have realized that learning the promptings of the past is not all about correcting it on our own wants and desires, and insisting it to be relevant today; it is in moving on. The more that I move on, the more I become aware of the new things, new opportunities, and new beginnings that are ready and waiting for an encounter.

Hence, our past will only be reconciled in our present when we learn to move on. Moving on is the best thing to do in order to make the crooked line straight. It means to say; when we learn to move on in life, the past will still remain as it is, but it will not anymore define us as someone who will forever stagnant for change. Move on, and you will encounter an unexpected miracle which for sure will make you realize that life is worth living at this present moment.

One last thing; moving on will never be a possible means for change unless we let go the past and we let God to make it right. We cannot make the past relevant to our present situation, but with the help of God, it will be healed and redeemed unexpectedly if and only if you will believe in Him.

Dear Friend

broken-friendship-quote1I dedicate this write-up for those who abandoned by their friends and for those who continue to love and consider them as friends even though they’re already rejected and neglected by them.

 Dear Friend,

            In friendship, I believe in this philosophy which states; a friend is someone capable of perfecting my imperfections, fulfilling me, revealing to me who I am because you are my friend, because you love me, because you are my personal good and I am also your personal good, and because you make me conscious of loving and arouses within me a sense of wonder and admiration.  Hence, you are so important to me because you make my joy and my being complete.   This is how I consider you not just as a friend but a person who has capacities and uniqueness.  I trust you, I believe in you, and I respect you because you also did these to me.  Because of you everything has changed into my life.  You free me from my sorrows and sadness.  You help me to appreciate my uniqueness and also my weaknesses.  Indeed, you’re such a good friend to me and you’re always saying to me whenever we talk; when you feel down and troubled and you need a person to talk and to be your crying shoulder, just call out my name and I’ll be listening to you and I’ll be at your side as your crying shoulder.

Suddenly, as time goes by, I cannot but be amazed and surprised that these things will be just a part of happy memories inside my mind.  What happened?  Why things have changed in our friendship?  I thought everything will be okay and fine, but why there’s an abrupt amendment on our friendship?  Why you suddenly left me behind without any reason at all?  Have I hurt you that’s why you left me alone in my loneliness?  I cannot feel you anymore.  I cannot understand why all of a sudden you break my heart and confuse my mind into uncertainties.  Before, everything is overwhelming and wonderful when we are together as friends sharing our own insights about love and relationship; but now out of the blue you faded away without any manifestations.  This is a sad reality that unrecognizable and unacceptable.  I cannot but cry and ask the heavens why these things are happening to me?  Did I commit something wrong to you, my friend?

In this experience I realized that the most painful and hurting experience in the life of the person is to be left behind by a friend without any reason at all.  It’s more horrible than a break-up, and more horrifying and despairing than a simple rejection.  It’s like a slap on my innocence when you reject me and you left me suffering on my own grief and anxieties.  Why? This is the only question that my mind and my heart cried out when you now avoid me and consider me as nobody.

Even if you treat me as nobody or as an insignificant person I will still consider you and love you as a friend.  You’re still significant into my life.  Yes, I am in pain now, but I will never regret that you became an important part in my growth and in my existence.  You’ll always be in my heart no matter how excruciating the loneliness and sadness that you have given me.  You’ll always be a friend to me; capable  of perfecting my imperfections, fulfilling me, revealing to me who I am, my personal good, and a person who makes me conscious of loving and rouses within me a sense of wonder and admiration.  Though how many times you forget me and reject me as you friend, in my heart, I will always consider you as my friend; a special and unique friend to me.

Sincerely Yours,

 An Insignificant Friend of yours.