I’m having a bit of difficulty in expressing my thoughts after a year and a half of not posting here on my blog. As a beginner and aspiring writer as I am, it is not easy to convey what’s my mind and heart want to tell.
Just like these days, I’m struggling expressing myself whole heartedly because of certain limits. Limitations that hinder me to tell everthing I want to say and express emotions I want to show. Perhaps, I’m too scared that if I do, my disposition will be compromised. Is there something wrong in showing and conveying the messages and emotions of my very own heart without being judged by many? As unfortunate as I feel, again… there are limits.
Ironically, there are right things in life that are better left unsaid and unfelt. Keeping everything to myself,wishing that my unexpressed emotions and thoughts will soon reach the person who meant to hear and feel it.
A great traveler was asked by a curious young man who also aspires to travel the world, “Sir, you’re such an inspiration for me. You’ve been traveling the different wonderful parts of the world, and I am really amaze every time I read your post on your blog and articles, or watch your documentaries on TV”. “Oh thanks! Nice to hear that. ”, the accomplished man retorted. The curious young man continued, “But is there a place that you haven’t been to?” “Oh a tough question”, the traveler responded with a smile on his face. “You know in my entire escapades, there are two places that is difficult to visit” “What is that sir”, the young man replied. “Its heart and the mind”, the traveler said with a smile. The young man responded, “What do you mean, sir?” The experienced man explained “For almost a decade of travelling around the world, lately I realized that the farthest journey in life is the travel between the heart and the mind. When we look upon our physical build-up the distance between the heart and the mind is just near, right? But when we speak about life and love and when we engage ourselves on its incredible journey it’s really challenging and demanding. I have been to the places people called ‘paradise’, but it never satisfy my soul to see the ‘paradise’ that is intended and planned for my life. However, when I started to engage myself traveling towards my heart and mind, I realized that there’s more to life which it can give than my journey to the beautiful places. From that experience, I saw and become in touch with the greatest fulfillment in my life which I never encounter from seeing the world. Yes, it’s really hard to engage yourself in the travel within the heart and mind because it’s too far, tiring, arduous, tough, and difficult. But that travel satisfies my deepest longings in life, such as LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, HEALING, and ACCEPTANCE about myself.”
A young disciple asked his master about true love. Master, what is the best thing to do in order to know and experience true love? The master said; stand up and stretch out your arms. What do you feel? I feel the coolness of soft breeze touching my body, the young disciple exclaimed. Again, the master said; now, embrace yourself. What do you feel?” I feel the heat of my body. I feel myself, the young disciple blurted out. Good, the master said with a smile on his face. The young disciple scratched his head and bewildered on the answer of his master and said; master it seems you didn’t answer my question. You just told me to stretch out my arms wide open and embraced myself, and I found that ridiculous. Then, the master explained with a beautiful smile on his face; what’s ridiculous with what I instructed you to do? Hahaha, you still don’t understand. My dear, love is like knowing and experiencing the soft breeze. By stretching your arms wide open, you will know and experience what a soft breeze is all about. On the contrary, you will not know and experience what a soft breeze is all about if you close your arms around you and feel yourself. Thus, true love is always open arms. With arms open, you allow yourself to know and experience it and to come and go as it will, freely, for it’ll do so anyway. However, if you close your arms for true love, you will not really know and experience it. You’ll find only holding yourself. Remember this my dear; true love is not all about fall ‘in’ or ‘out’ of it. It is your willingness to grow on it that defines what it is all about.
When you’re paralyzed within, it’s hard to move on. But wait a minute, what’s ‘paralyzed within’ that I’m talking about? I’m sure we experienced this. It’s a feeling of massive compunction that we can’t control. It’s a sensation of too much pain inflicted in our hearts because of past heart-brokenness and regrets which sometimes haunts and disturbs us whenever we feel alone and lonely in life. It’s one of the malady within our emotional state that’s hard to deal with because it impedes us to move forward and to go on in life. Hence, life is sometimes tragic. It is really inevitable to experience this kind of feeling.
When we are ‘paralyzed within’ it’s really hard to see the brighter side of life. Everything seems so gloomy and depressing. We can’t take a good stance when we’re down and troubled. We are confuse to decide whether to push through fearlessly even though it hurts or to let it be as it is by saying ‘I can’t’. Life is really full of twists and turns. When we are ‘paralyzed within’ we cannot but accept the fact that life is not a bed roses; it is going through its thorns.
However, in every paralysis that we encounter in life there are tidbits of hope waiting for us and assure us encouragement to move on albeit hardships and sufferings. Thus, nothing to be afraid of when are experiencing paralysis within our lives. There’s always an assurance of hope when we start to handle every paralysis we experience with a steadfast heart and optimism.
Are we really peaceful nowadays? Are we really living in peace? In my belief, we truly need peace nowadays. Amidst the clashing of noises that our world today is encountering, our hearts are still longing and yearning for peace. It’s so sickening and distressing already to engage ourselves on the different noises the world is offering to us today. This is my realization; I thought noise is more appealing and engaging in life because it really entertains you and lures you to be get involved on it, but the risk is the more noises that you absorb in life, the more complexities that you will encounter later on. And so, the essence of peace loses its taste and ardor when we let noise to sway our lives. Hence, it’s indeed a continuous struggle to long for it.
Do we really know how we may be able to conquer the noise through peace? This is what I pondered; the ambiance of noise in our lives will only be conquered if we will let it to begin in our hearts. Peace is not just an absence of conflict or war. It is a positive reality that all of us must recognize and appropriate. Indeed, the quest for peace of mind and heart cannot be considered as an attainable reality when you’re disturbed, anxious, and depressed with so many preoccupations and agitations in life. So, give peace a chance to overrule our lives. Lend our ears to it so that we may be able to appreciate its beautiful music and harmony that it brings to us. Open our minds and hearts to it because it will only be felt if and only if we welcome it and allow it to penetrate our existence. A life of peace is truly manifested when man’s beautiful relationship with God, neighbor, environment, and even his/her self is fully realized and being given a real importance.
Dearest Baby Jesus,
One day to go before your birth. I cannot but feel more excited and cheerful for your coming. I could say that I do my very best to prepare myself for your coming, but it’s not enough. Anyway, I truly believe that it’s not on the grandiosity of my preparation what you would like to count on in me, but it’s my heart. No matter how big or small my preparation for your coming, what matters most for you is the willingness of my heart to be open with the possibility for renewal and conversion.
Within this month I really do my very best to embrace renewal and conversion in my life. Sometimes I gain and improve, at times I fall short. To embrace renewal and conversion in life is really a win-or-lose experience. It takes a lot of enthusiasm, determination, and faith. It’s challenging, yet gratifying. Dear Child Jesus, I’m sorry for failing you and also for not doing the good things that I ought to do. I’m sorry also for my stubbornness and for doubting your graces and blessings. I’m really so ashamed to welcome you, but you proved to me that I should not be ashamed in welcoming you despite the many failures and shortcomings that I have. You still love me. It’s a humbling experience to realize that your love helps me to move on and comforts me whenever I am anxious and preoccupied with so many negative things in my life. I am so blessed whenever I fall. You always say to me “Be still…Do not be afraid for I am always with you”. As you always saying this to me I am always assured of your presence in my life. And, knowing you is one of the greatest gifts that I in my life.
As your coming is almost near, Lord, teach me to love just like the way you show your love on me. Make me a channel of your love even though I am being rejected because of love. It’s your love that make me realize who really am I; broken and unworthy, yet consoled and redeemed. Clothe me with the mantle of your love that I may be strengthen and motivated by it to face life’s challenges with a positive outlook in life. Although uncontrollable sadness sometimes distresses me as I wait for your nearing natal day, make me happy and have an eager and a joyful trust in you. May I also learn to lean and to count on you as I really struggle for peace and serenity of my mind and heart.
What do you expect this coming Christmas? New clothes? New gadgets? Overnight parties? New love life? For sure aside from these we have a lot of expectations as we wait for Christmas excitedly. Usually, when Christmas comes we really expect to receive something new and pleasing to our senses and expectations. So, there should be something new when Christmas comes.
However, is this really the real spirit of Christmas? Looking and pondering upon the Nativity scene, it was just a simple and ordinary Christmas celebration. They don’t expect for something new, but they expect for the birth of the Son of God; the main reason of our Christmas celebration. Actually, the stable of Bethlehem, where Jesus was born, reminds us that the real spirit of Christmas is not all about expecting for something new, costly, extravagant, and appealing; but it’s all about renewing ourselves to the Son of God born in a manger, i.e. Jesus. He gave us the gift which greater than what we expect, i.e. His life, His love, and His mercy.
So, what we are still expecting for if He must be the real reason of our waiting and expectations? Indeed, the most important thing in our expectation is to realize that it’s Jesus whom should be the main reason of our Christmas celebrations. Without his birth, perhaps it’s worthless and pointless to celebrate Christmas just a celebration itself.