“Aloneliness”-I don’t even know if this word exists. As I type this word in MS Word, a red line appeared on this word. Although this word may sound erroneous and disgusting for Mr. Webster, for me, it reveals the gist and the fruit of my reflection for today which I would like to share. I believe that as we advance in age and wisdom through the influx of several significant experiences that we encounter in life, we cannot but create our own insights or words just to express it as part of our learning and growth. This is now what I am doing as I encounter today one of the most weighty yet crucial expressions in the realm of love and relationships. Hence, “Aloneliness”. This out-of-this world terminology implies to a decision of choosing to be alone and to move on all by ourselves and our efforts after the tremendous pain, loneliness, and aches of unsuccessful relationships in the past. Encountering that kind of experience and coining it with the word “Aloneliness” made me ponder and questions boggles my mind; how could you face and recompense your past pains, loneliness, and aches if you will handle it all by yourself? How could you even move on and start all over again in life with joy and happiness if you want to do it and face it alone? Henceforth, choosing “Aloneliness” as a principle in life makes me affirm the fact that past pains, loneliness, and aches repeats itself. Actually, we cannot find any answer, solution, and clarification in choosing to encounter our past pains, loneliness, and aches all by ourselves. It’s like we are choosing our own bereavements rather than better joy, life, and love.
We cannot control our past. It happened because it happened. Acceptance is the key for mending the brokenness that we experienced in our own past. Relating it on my own experiences, it was really hard for me to accept all the embarrassments I experienced from the past. I clamor for an instant solution, so I chose to face it all by myself, but it hindered me to move on. Little by little my value system was distorted. My friends and acquaintances suddenly left me alone and did not trust me anymore because of my self-centeredness and narcissistic tendencies. I became pessimistic about relationships and interactions. I thought, my past will be healed and redeemed if I will face it all by myself without relying to any help and support. But, it was a mistake. It was a great breakdown and collapse into my life when I chose to handle my own past pains, loneliness, and aches all by myself.
On that instance when I reached my life’s rock-bottom that opening my heart for support and for possibility to consider another new chapter in my life is very essential and fulfilling. I realized, choosing to encounter your own past nightmares alone is like closing the door of possibility for support system and for love. Loving our past nightmares does not depend on our own opinion, desires, and wants in order to determine it, it depends on how we value the things and the people that became part of our lives and soon will serve as our great help to accept our past nightmares with love. Loving our past nightmares can hurt sometimes, but loving it all by ourselves is not the only thing that perhaps will be able to conquer its pains, loneliness, and aches. Our friends are always there to listen to our deep longings. Our families are always ready to support us through thick and thin. New loves and opportunities are always waiting for us and willing to mend our broken hearts. Thence, No man is an island. This maxim will only be realized, recognized, and appreciated if and only if we open the doors and the windows of our weary hearts. These were the things that I’ve learned as I opened my heart and became sincere on my deep longings to accept and heal my past nightmares. Indeed, loving my own past nightmares made me affirm this insight that popped-up unto my mind; problems and heartbreaks will never be solve all by ourselves. It is better to share it and to say it with all honesty and sincerity and for sure it will mend greater than what we long and expect.