Last Tuesday in our Spiritual Theology class, I was affected by the topic about The Art of Discernment: Heart Searching and Life Choice. It was an eye-opener for me that challenged my present disposition. In the course of our discussion, my professor told us something about heart searching which actually caught my attention, and I paraphrase; “Life-choice is a question of the heart and what matters most about this phenomenon is the heart, so dig deeper your hearts because the search is inward and the answer is within”. After I heard this statement from my professor I asked myself; is my present disposition really define who I am? As I went through our discussion and personal moment of reflection, I was disturbed by the two questions included on the topic; which way am I concretely being drawn by the Lord speaking to my heart? Given my unique personality, background, and talents, what is my particular way of serving the Creator?
Entertaining those questions that really bothered my mind and disposition, I sighed and told myself; “Really, life-choice is the matter of the heart”. It’s undeniable that in the course of our search for happiness and fulfillment we tend to say “This is it!” or “Eureka! Now I find the pearl of great price for my life.” But, as we continue our journey prioritizing what we call our “heart’s desire” why restlessness is still an inevitable reality in our lives? Why are we not still happy and fulfilled the mere fact that we already found out what our innermost being tells us what to be?
I realized, finding the one thing necessary in life is not a smooth-sailing journey and a one-night search. It takes our ability to discriminate our choices, time, our heads and hearts, and our value-system. Finding the one thing necessary in our lives is not all about priorities but asking our inner self this question; what we are willing to die for? Hence, discernment (as what I have learned from our discussion yesterday) is all about placing ourselves in God’s hands, asking God to shape our lives through our decisions and allowing Him to bring fulfillment the creative work that He has already begun in us. I myself am not exempted on the mentality of being okay and contented on my present disposition. But as I encounter on our lesson yesterday about the value of discernment in life, I really asked this question on my present disposition; is this really what God wants me to be? Is this my particular way of serving the Creator? Is this the deepest inclination of my heart? From these questions I am challenged to dig deeper within my innermost being and to be open with the fact that there are unexpected realities in life which really hard to accept but will really make our hearts fully free, happy, fulfilled, and enlightened, as the English maxim said, the grass is greener outside of our own fence.