Summer Sadness :(

annie-sad-backSadness is but a wall between two gardens.
– Kahlil Gibran

This is what I feel from the past days until now.  I can’t see from this moment the light that would make me happy inside.  The difficulty of handling this sadness is its identity, i.e. anonymous; which means it has no name or it’s hard to name it. At first glance, I feel like a fool that I am experiencing this kind of phenomenon in my life, but it is something real and cannot be ignored.

As I think of it I ask myself; why this thing is happening to me?  Is this part of a grandeur plan that the Lord has for me?  Or, I am just thinking of something that makes me sad and melancholic?  The only thing that I could say is “Damn!”

In life, I realized that the most difficult experience that a person could encounter is an unnamed sadness.  It is something that so hard to determine and it kills you slowly in the inside.

There are things that are bothering my mind as I face this unusual reality; maybe, I am just experiencing my own quarter-life crisis, a term that has always been told by my friends from the corporate world.  Maybe could be.

But, why does it strike on me so sudden and soothe?  Whenever I am thinking of this thing, I scratch my head in confusion and desperation sometimes.  But, the worst scenario of experiencing this thing is when you seek for help from somebody that you trust most but that person is not available and seemingly not interested.

Actually, it is really a heart-breaking experience.  It’s like that you are left drowning in the middle of the sea and the person whom you are expecting to save you from danger and misery is not there.  As I think of it, the only thing that I do is to understand and to be patient on that scenario which is happening now in my life.

On this experience I am experiencing what it meant to be alone on your own unnamed sadness.  It’s tragic but maybe it’s part of a plan; a strategic plan that God has laid down on my life so that I may be strengthened and be firmed in life. Just like a boxer who prepares himself from a mega fight with intense trainings and sparring sessions; it’s the same experience that I am experiencing now in order that I may be prepared in facing my life’s greatest opponents in the future.

Though unnamed sadness and rejections hampered me now to see the beauty and the magnificent of the garden of opportunities and happiness in my life, I am pretty sure it is just but a preparation for me to face it with courage and determination.  I feel being abandoned and alone now, but the only thing that I could do is this borrowing the words of Ritu Ghatourey;

Appreciate those who have hurt you, because they strengthen your heart.

Appreciate those who deceive you, because they improve your wisdom.

Appreciate those who slander against you, because they improve your personality.

Appreciate those who whip you because they arouse your will to fight.

Appreciate those who abandon you, because they teach you independence.

Appreciate those who make you stumble, because they strengthen your legs.

Appreciate those who denounce you, because they remind you of your shortcomings.

Appreciate those who give you strength

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