The Search for Love

medium_5652405755Here inside the Redemptorist Church, Fuente Osmeña, Cebu City, I spend my Valentine’s Day in silence and reflection while waiting for my Confessor’s availability for confession.  While reflecting, something passed unto my mind, i.e. the question about love that pertains to my life.  My sanity asked me; Alex, what makes love “LOVE”?  What is it for you?  Why are you still seeking and searching for its real nature and identity until now?  When my sanity asked me those questions, I cannot but answer it in silence because I cannot totally give an exact answer for those questions that are somehow intriguing into my life.  But, what I can only attest with the reality called love are the experiences which serve as fruits of my continuous search for its reasons.

Love is the most powerful aspect which greatly affects our entire selves and even our ideals and principles in life.  Without it, we cannot determine that our life is a fruit of love.  In my continuous search for its reason, I realized that we will never feel it unless if it is selflessly accepted by us and shared to others.  Hence, love is selfless.  It is not selfish.  Its definition does not depend on our own standards, but on its own standard.  It has no boundaries; it is for everybody and not just for the few.  As I reflect on its immensity into my life, the more I become attune with it, the more I realize that I am too far with one of its standards, i.e. selflessness.  Until now, I cannot give an exact definition of love for my life because I cannot still abandon my comfort zones as I loved, i.e. to seek for a cost as a consolation for loving with dedication and sacrifice.  Until now, I am restless in searching and seeking for its ultimate reasons and answer for this question; why do I still need to love even though there’s pain and restlessness inside my heart?

Sa pagninilay ko, sumagi sa aking isipan; mahirap talagang tugunan ng aking diwa’t isipan ang tunay na kahulugan ng pag-ibig kung hindi naman ako marunong magparaya.  Kaya, sa buhay ko at sa patuloy kong paghahanap sa tunay nitong kahulugan, hindi maiwasan masaktan ang puso kong sugatan.  Yes, it’s really difficult to love and to find its real definition if I will not learn to let go.  Why let go?  Because, there’s true love in letting go.  It’s better to suffer the pain of letting go than pushing your heart in its limit to love something improper and temporary painstakingly.  Love is not really all by myself.  It’s incomprehensible and immense yet only a selfless heart could fully understand what it is.  What makes me say this thing; it’s because of blindness which until now unfolds into my existence.  I am blind, and so until now I am still searching and seeking for love’s ultimate reason.  This blindness is the reason why I can’t let go and move on.  I can’t love selflessly because I am blind and cold inside.  This is who I am as I see myself in the vantage point of love.  I know it’s a truth that makes me bleed inside, but I am hopeful that by accepting this fact, I will be relieved.

In this Valentine’s Day, I prayed to God that He may grant me the strength to let go, to move on, and to love selflessly.  I pray also that He may help me to surpass all the trials, stumbling blocks, and difficulties that hinder me to love honestly, sincerely, and faithfully.  This is the only way and means that I know so far because I believe He is love that can never be surpassed by other loves.  And, by the way, as I reflect upon the greatness of love into my life, this is what I found out; Valentines is not all about the color red, roses, chocolates, romances, and teddy bears; it’s all about the willingness to be moved by the power of love especially to sacrifice and to be committed for the sake of love, and to love until it hurts and hurts no more.

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