The Reality called Looking Back

lookingbackTrying to look back all the things that I encountered and experienced I cannot but say these words; my best wasn’t good enough to put back all the opportunities that I wasted and all the moments that I lost.  It may sound offensive as I start this year with new beginnings, it’s better that I should also revisit all encounters and experiences of the previous years which I dissipated and squandered its value.  As I always welcome the New Year with hopes and aspirations, I cannot disregard the fact that my life is always on the making.  So, I struggle in order to reach perfection and transformation in life.  Sad to say, too much expectation about changing my whole self always lead me into trouble.  I expect too much from previous years that I will totally change all my shortcomings and brokenness in life.  Unfortunately, it was not always the case.  I always fail to feed and to succeed all my unfulfilled expectations in life.  I am also always misunderstood and misinterpreted as I fulfill those expectations.  Instead of being happy and contended in fulfilling to change my shortcomings and high expectations, I ended up always sad, worried, and anxious.

From trying to look back all the unfulfilled expectations that I encountered and experienced in life, I learned a lesson which I found very motivating and moving, i.e. acceptance of one’s shortcomings and brokenness in life.  Yes, I do have a lot of expectations and I struggle in order to fulfill them but I became indifferent on accepting them first.  Hence, the value and the truth of acceptance pinpointed this to me; I cannot deal with perfection, love, and understanding, if I cannot deal with myself who is less-than-perfect, less-than-forgiving, less-than-loving, and less-than-understanding.  In the same way, I cannot pretend to be dealing with an invisible God who is the source of change and transformation if I refuse to deal with my visible scars.  With this New Year, this is my resolution; accept who I am, love my scars, and forgive all my imperfections. What a wonderful life in starting my year in believing that there’s perfection in every imperfections that I have in life.  With this, I am very proud to say that there’s beauty behind our shadows.  That beauty will only shine if and only if we accept our shadows with honesty and sincerity.


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