I was in love with someone before. Whenever I see her face or we meet each other, it really completes my day. I really don’t know why I am so in love with her despite the fact that I am aspiring for religious life. Because of her, everything has changed in my life. She taught me how to love truly and sincerely, helped me to see things in the perspective of love, and, the most wonderful thing that I learned from her was her smile. She also taught me not to forget how to smile deep within my heart whenever problems and difficulties in my life arise. She’s a wonderful girl for me because she helped me a lot. She’s an inspiration for me, that is why I began to write a blog again, but, there’s this painful truth that I need to consider, i.e. we are not meant for each other.
To be attracted or in love with somebody is not bad, but for me who is aspiring for religious life is improper. I cannot deny the fact that I have this tendency to fall in love with someone, because I am human too despite the fact that I am aspiring to offer my whole life to God. To be honest, it is really hard for me to let go of someone who taught me on how to be true to myself and who changed everything in my life, but I need to accept the fact that letting her go in my mind and heart is the real expression of my true love for her. It’s painful but I need to do it for the sake of a greater purpose in life.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta is right in saying these words; “Love until it hurts, and love until it hurts no more.” It is the same thing with letting go and giving up of someone whom you love most. It’s really painful for me to let her go, but after letting her go in my heart and mind, this struggle towards moving on was not that so easy. The memories we had continue to bother me especially when I am down, sad, and alone. But, after all these things I realized that I really need to put her out of my sanity in order to start all over again. It may be hurting me and also the most tragic situation that I have but I need to.
As I am crying deep within me the song “Let Her Go” by Passenger, soothed into my ears saying; “Only know you love her when you let her go.” I think, the message of the song is correct, the greatest and the best thing that I can show and offer to her as a sign of my true love is to let her go. Indeed, true love is letting go even though it will make me bleed, but I know that it will still heal. My feelings for her are not totally gone, but in order for my mind and heart to be re-focused, I am always including her with my prayers. I really believe that prayer is already sufficient enough to express my true love for her. Yes, we are not meant for each other, but to express my true love for her by prayer and letting her go is already enough for me and what matters most is for me to move on with joy and happiness in my heart.