As I continue to aspire for religious life, there are times that I am so affected and terrified by the great storms and waves of life. Experiencing great storms and waves made me think and led me to the point of doubting the presence of God in my life. It seems that he is absent whenever pain and confusion bothers me a lot which is caused by the torments of problems and difficulties of life. It is really a reality that overcast my focus and attention with God’s grace which is the sole reason why I doubted His grace several times. Sometimes, I always asked this question in my mind most especially whenever I am in great difficulty. These are my questions: “Where’s God when I am down and my life is in weary? Why God allowed these difficulties into my life which is so hard to take? Why do I need to suffer out of nothing?”
While reading and reflecting the gospel for this Sunday, it changed my perspective about God. In every great storms and waves of life God does not abandon us if and only if we believe that He is with us. It really made me realize that is what lacks in me. I am easily threatened by some turbulent waves that bring havoc and inconvenience in my journey. With this, my capacity to believe that God is above my trials and difficulties in life and to desire to follow more closely quenches. So, instead of putting all my trust in His grace and mercy wholeheartedly, I already started to doubt Him. As I am being succumbed by my doubts, sometimes it tends me to say into myself that life is unfair because God does not care while I am experiencing a lot of pain. But, as I encounter the gospel for this Sunday, I realized that the problem is not in God, but it is with me. Whenever problems and difficulties arises into my life I immediately react with fear and anxiety instead of being silent first and allow God to take control into it.
From this, the gospel for this Sunday is inviting me to take courage and not to be afraid. It gives me an assurance that God is always present and He is willing to take control of everything despite the inevitableness of problems and difficulties of life. I should not worry because God will always take care of everything. All I need to do is just to move on and to trust in Him. In spite of the hardships of life, I just became aware of this that God will never stop helping me and guiding me towards my aspirations in life whatever may happen.