There’s a maxim that goes like this, “Life can only be lived forward, but it can only be understood backward.” Yesterday, while I was browsing on my old journal notebooks, I found out an interesting entry that I wrote last September 11, 2009, titled “Dark Nights.” As I read it, I was captivated because of the realization that I wrote from an experience that I encountered. I was a postulant that time, discerning my vocation journey yet suffering from an emotional distress, which I faced bravely and sincerely with the help of my good and motherly mentor and formator Ma’am Heidi. Please allow me to share this humbling entry that I wrote in my old journal notebook last September 11, 2009:
While Ma’am Heidi is explaining and discussing to us postulants the Dark Night, I went back and recall my recent dark nights. As I am pondering it deeply, I realize that “dark nights” helped me to understand my weaknesses and draw backs in life. It is impossible for me to count now how many experiences of “dark nights” I encountered for the past years of growing and advancing in age in the seminary. But, I just realized now, “dark nights” are necessary in life for it reminds me that God is important in my life and in every decision that I take. What an irony to say; In every “dark night” that I experienced in life and that I am experiencing right now, God is presently showing his love in me and in my decision makings, yet living a life together with “dark nights” make me distant with the love and goodness of God. However, taking into consideration this realization, I just become aware that there’s no easy way for a good and happy life. All options in life have its consequences. The real meaning of life is not on its happiness and goodness alone, but it is on how we take our dark nights which brings consequences and challenges in life. Today, I’ve learned that to live life in the fullest amidst dark nights is a matter of decision. If decisions are governed by patience, perseverance, prayer, communication, connectivity, and openness, people will understand better that there are no wrong decisions in life. If people know how to handle the dark nights and the consequences of the decision that they take, for sure, there will be no regrets and feeling of resentment at all. Dark nights may be hard to accept and to hold on, yet every dark cold night has stars that shine and glimmers. It is the same with our dark nights in life. Be not afraid with our dark nights in life for in every dark night there is a hope that brings encouragement and trust in God.