Imagine a person walking on the street without a backbone. How does he look like? Weird and unimaginable as it seems, many people in this world, including me, are walking in the street called life without a backbone. I am not referring to a monster or in a literal sense. My struggle of facing the reality that I am a PERSON without a BACKBONE is what I would like to share.
I am a person who is not deeply grounded with a strong foundation and is only dependent to the decisions and suggestions of others when making decisions in life. I have discovered it when my Novice Master presented to me the result of my Psychological Assessments during our dialogue. At first, I was greatly disappointed with the direct and straight to the point psychological assessment results which were really shocking and unbelievable. But, as I knelt down in front of the Crucifix and started to pray in tears, I realized that I am human, capable to fall short and capable to bounce back with the help of God’s grace. Knowing that I am a PERSON without a BACKBONE in my psychological assessment results was a moment of grace for me. It led me into a realization that I need to be in touch with my humanity. Although it felt humiliating at first, I am still thankful and blessed at the end. For years, I kept on hiding my weaknesses and shortcomings. Later then I realized that God blessed those who are sincere and humble on their weaknesses and shortcomings in life rather than those who boast their achievements and popularity. Now, I am in the process of accepting the result and starting to form a deep and strong foundation in decision making with my life. It is tough but I will get there, I know.
Indeed, it is better to be true and to be yourself in spite of the vulnerabilities that we have than to pretend to be somebody whom we are not. Accepting the fact that I am a PERSON without a BACKBONE is a challenge yet a great grace for me because it enlightened me that accepting and loving who I am begins with accepting and loving my shortcomings and my woundedness. After all, they are God’s blessings in disguise that we just fail to recognize.